Crazee Masqued People = Good Vibrations

This weekend Rocked. My. World.  Trancey, dusty fairytale shenanigans and stomping fun to some insane bass lines = The 5th Annual Masqued Ball 
I 'heart' Cape Town outdoor trance parties. So Much. Like, so much I would marry them (i.e. Choice of husband, dog or trance party? Prefably all three but imma go with the latter).

   

Dust-stompin' fun

• 40 degrees of heat = a Bee so burnt she could be the tourist-mascot for England.
• Soul = healed. Body = broken!

If you were there, you know. If you weren't, well there's no other way to say it, you may possibly be a loser.You may have to go for Loser Counselling. I'm just saying.

Two downfalls though... 

1. Party Poopers - What the eff were the coppers doing there? Everyone knows parties are for cool peeps only. If the police don't approve/like, don't go to the party! Simple. Who invited them anyway?

2. Our tent got ransacked! That is so Bang. Out. Of. Order. At least we didn't lose the most important thing.. (Friend Who Used to be Blonde cleverly disguised our vodka in a simple, inconspicuos-looking bottle). I reacted extremely calmly (and effectively) by furiously eating cheesy Doritos, while muttering to myself in a low but dangerous manner. I don't think they will try that again in a hurry.

But the best part of the weekend can only be shown in pictures. I mean, no other sight can explain just how you feel after a good party..

The Next Day: A classic shot of  a couple of randoms.. lekke slaap! 

Thanks for reading Troopers! See ya'll at Groovy..

Pay Day Came.. and With it, a Beer (Kipling)

Don't we all hate the last week before pay day?And dont we all LOVE the day of payday? All the possibilities lay before us.. (until the monthly bills come in and you realise you're still screwed). Ah. The sweet life of living in Africa..

(There is no happy medium in Africa)

So when I opened my fridge this morning and all that came out was a fly.. And when I started my car this morning and all that came out was a cough... And when I turned on my phone to bitch about said car and fridge situation to 'Mother on Crutches', all that came out was;

'You have insufficent funds to make this call. Please top up and try again later".

I'm not ashamed to admit it, I dropped down to my knees (after first arranging skirt as to keep lady-like persona) and thanked the Awesome Man Above for Payday.

Smell Me

A conversation with Beautiful Beaming Pregnant Friend got me thinking today.. People have vibes. 'Auras' if you will.

Now i'm not about to get all witch-crafty on your a**, but its true and we should all be more sensitive to these peep-odours. It was be so handy!

Imagined Scenario ensues...

Me Who Used to be Blonde: "Check out that hottie, loitering by the bar"
Friend Who Used to be Blonde:  (sniff sniff) "Nah, leave him. He smells like rotton cucumbers. His aura is all off"
Me Who Used to be Blonde: But perhaps its misleading? Perhaps he just forgot to shower?" (in hopeful, optimistic manner).
Friend Who Used to be Blonde: (more sniffing) "Dude he smells of disrespect, arrogance and insecurity. Leave him".
Me Who Used to be Blonde: Ok.

See how this works?

Instead, we women have become slaves to consumerism. Damn you Old Spice..

Amped. For. Age

3 years until I’m 30.

30!!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m totally; Amped. For. Age (see previous blog post The Big 5-0). Plus you apparently get blessed with wisdom. Am Amped. For. Wisdom.

(Plus the Pant says age brings women Sexual Peak times. Rock On!)

But not so much on the wrinkles. I noticed this morning I have a wrink. ..An actual wrink!!! Under my eye. Now this COULD be because I had just woken from a slumber so deep I could have went to hell and back and not realised. And you know when you  sleep deep, you wake up and your face is all crinkly and wrinkly from pillow? Well, it could have been this. It most probably was this. In fact, it actually was this. However, I am a Leo and we lions are given to dramatics, and so for today, that intruding line is a wrinkle.

I.e. 

Anyway, two of my Very Best Friends are 30. And they are totally Awesome. So awesome in fact, that I cannot and will not imagine life without them. They Rock. They make me not scared of being 30.

It’s just, I remember my Mother In Crutches being in her 30’s when she had my little sister (who we shall call Hot Bean for anonymity).  Her 3^rd child.

My biological clock is ticking at an Incredibly Slooooow Pace. Panic Button-QUICK! Better make the most of these Awesome Freedom Years I still have left! That, and the fact I need to find a husband first (and a good one- I have always wanted a child, but not as a husband).

Ah, 3 (plus) more yrs of Tequila Madness here we come Girls! Bring It.

The Big 5-0

Don't famdamilies just Rock. Our. World?

The Cheetah Lodge Family

So, the weekend comprised of the following;

(NB: They are in NO particular order... In fact, most were very continuous - especially the vino).

Ingrediants:

• 1 50th Bday Party.
• 16 Brits in one place. 
• Wine. 
• Dancing.
• Crimson (totes magoats awesomest band at 'slapping the bass' ever).
• Family
• Mother on Crutches
• Babies (no, I have nothing to tell you - they aren't mine).
• Puppies (no, I have nothing to tell you - she isn't mine). 
• Tropical paradise. 
• All-You-Can-Eat buffet. 
• Sun. Sea. 

Oh and..

•  Swimming in Underpants at The Wrong Side of Midnight. In the rain. Drinking a castle. Freezing our butts off (in a good way).

Mom turning 50 rocked. It rocked way more than my 18th or 21st. So conclusion - grow old happily.

50 is the new Awesome.

Dog vs Man

New Love = Puppy Love

One day, a long time ago. When I was little and short (I'm still short), when I was immature (I'm still immature), when I was of single digit age (definitely not so anymore), I told my Mom;


'Mom. When I grow up I think I'm not going to have a husband. I think I'm going to have a dog instead.'


See, kids know stuff . 


Then you grow up and become loserish and forget all that stuff you already know.


So, if i am going to trade in Potential Husband in for a dog, which kind of dog? At the moment I'm contemplating between 'Captain Pugwash' (a pug) or Roy (a pekingese - i dont know why I would  have a pekingese called Roy.. but I have a Rhodesian Ridgeback called Nigel so.....seems reasonable).


After all.


Dogs are easier to house train.


(And if they turn out gay, your just excited. I can finally buy that pink sparkly diamante collar).

Nigel

Elimination Process

I have a suggestion for the lady-portion of the society. Men should, from now on, come with CV's.
And references.

I am not on a man-hate here, in fact quite the opposite. I am totes magoats in love with you guys. To bits. And pieces.Uncontrollably. BIG fan of awesome men. Especially those in Coke adverts. The Will Schuuster's. The Barefoot, Bare-Chested, Just-In-Jeans types of species.

However it would just save us chickies a lot of time and energy, being able to first have a non-feelings, no lust involved elimination process.
Not Good for You? Denied.
Mother Issues? Denied.
Bi-polar? Denied.
You get the picture.

In fact, this is a good idea. Imma only gonna accept referrals...

:)

Ants in my Pants

I was outside for 3.5 minutes! Not one minute longer.

And in that short time I managed to acquire a real life ant in my pant. For real. True story. Not one word of a lie.
My question is (and i only have 1); how did he get in there?

-Tiny Ant Dude: "I see a pant coming straight for me! Yippeee!' (???)

Hmm.


So. I'm glad I was only out there for 3.5 minutes, can you imagine if it were 7? I'd have a raucaus Party in My Pants on my hands. Sigh... (Well as Rocker Girl Emu helpfully pointed out) At least someone wants to get in my pants. Win.

Something Weird is Happening to Bee...

Ahhhh. The 3pm slump.

It has descended upon me like a.. like a.. like a. descending thing (hey its 3pm = brain not in full force).

Known by scientists as the 'postprandial dip' (yes I know stuff - rather I am a Googler. Professionally. Literally).

Its that time of day when head is suddently 36000 million kg heavy and uncontrollably finds itself making love to your desk.

Possible solutions:

- Eat more (I like)
- Coffee more (I like)
- Snooze more (I like)
- Get drunk (I love)
- Have scandalous thoughts of Jake Gyllenhaal (I love)

I surrender.

2.59pm - end of day: Only cured by 85 steri stumpies, 102 coffees, a bag of jelly beans (for Rocker Girl Emu) and the promise of the 4.30/5pm  release.

Over to the dark side..

BeeWee is on a mission. To find out if gentlemen really do prefer blondes..

Not really, but I have left the blonde club and gone over to the dark side.. Well the 'chocolate chestnut' foxy side at least. Friend Who Used to Be Blonde told me since she went devishly dark, its not that she gets more or less attention, she just gets BETTER attention.

Hmm. Will let you know..

Cos frankly, 'Oi Love, Do you sleep on your stomach?...Can I?' or alternatively.. 'I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list'...  is just getting slightly boring.

Surfing is Awesomeness

I love this Cape Town summer!!!!

So I have been surfing for like a year. 0.1% of the time I am better than Roxy Louw. The rest of the time I fear I resemble a new born giraffe trying to stand up for the first time. Ever. On ice. On rollerblades. Drunk.

-You get the picture.

But its true when they say 'only a surfer knows the feeling'. Theres nothing quite like riding those rolling waves in. Its the main reason I live in Muizenberg. So this weekend has been spent A, in true Brit style getting more red all over than a newspaper, B, finding sand in inordinate places and C, attempting (and failing) to look casual yet sexy on my huge boat of a longboard.

Ahh the life of a South African beach bum.

Thursday Night Shenanigans

- Going out for 1 drink : Good times.

- Going out for +- 8 drinks with Tequila shots being rammed down throat by Friend Who Used to be Blonde? : Even Better Times.

- Waking up at 8am, realizing your late for work, feeling rougher than a badgers arse?: 

Bugger that for a game of soldiers.

But Hey. its FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAY! :) 

Tea and Scones

So, driving home after work yesterday I realized 3 very random, non-related things. 


1. There is an inordinate amount of almost naked people who run on Boyes Drive at around 430/5pm. 


2. I would like to one day have a man-child just so I can watch Ben 10 and buy Ben 10 paraphernalia, and 


3. I'm a little homesick.

Now dont get me wrong, its not that I don't LOVE the sun, living on the beach, the surf, the awesome peeps, the forest parties and did I mention the sun??

But there are 2 two things I could do without, 

1. The living expenses vs the wages and 

2. I'm sorry guys, but you South African men are complicated!!!!! (Present company excluded of course).

Think I'm just due a visit home (have been in SA for almost 4 years) and I miss my peeps and that Good Old Fashioned British Banter (its Well Lush).

So if anyone wants to donate to the Get Bee home to 'Go on the Lash'  with her 'Lovely Frendicles with Funny Little English and Welsh Accents' Fund, let me know sharpish.

Whipped Hair...

So I totes magoats feel the need to tell you - I get these funny little obsessions. The latest is the notion of actually 'whipping' ones hair back and forth. In fact, the other day...

I have this awse friend slash colleague who we shall call Girl-Rocker Emu (I do not want to name and shame her in what I am about to say). This great sexy person that I work with graciously humored me by joining in on my Whipping Sesh..

Ya see i was just sat at my desk, calculating CPA's.. when I felt this uncontrollable FORCE to see if i could, indeed, whip my hair back and forth. The next 20 mins were dedicated to this act. We couldn't. It was fun. And a bit sickening.

About Moi!

So thought i'd start this blogging business with a bit of uninteresting (matter of opinion) bits and pieces About Moi..

- Just to warn you these blogs may be short. Because you know, who has the time to a, write a long blog and b, read a long blog? (except those in Online Marketing, grossly overpaid English footballers and eternal students - yes I'm looking at you Thomas).

Bit of a mongrel; born in SA, bred in the UK and now back in SA (Yes...I am a firm supporter of both The Springboks and cups of Tetley tea)...

So, the past 5 years have seen me achieve..

-1 BA (HONS) Degree in Broadcast Media from UWIC Cardiff University in Wales (and a totes ma-goats awesome bag of X-rated, PG, wine-infused memories).

-Earned the title of 'Survivor'. Knocked on deaths door for a while with a life threatening 100% paralysing illness (Guillain Barre Syndrome) - coming out stronger mentally and physically than ever before!

-Acquired years of 'aahhh nothing - just chilling' experience in both SA and the UK

--Became a fully versed and qualified Google AdWords/Analytics totes ma-goats Geek, with a specialization in Search, Content, Reporting and YouTube PPC (www.therebellion.co.za).

-Always the ‘relentless optimistic’, I have developed a strong defense force against Tequila hangovers.

-1 addiction to surfing (there is no known cure).

- And now.. My Vereeee Own Leetle Blog! ;)